madi is still fine in there...but how's her mommy?

WARNING: i'm whiny on this one... honestly, i'm crappy. let's face it and just be honest. sometimes ya just gotta let it go. the labor, i can deal. almost 72 hours so far and going strong. yea, it's painful, and extremely annoying since i cannot sleep, but you know what, that's seriously not what's got me down. when this little girly finally decides to show, all of that painful part will be forgotten!! it's the bell's palsy that has just got me going crazy. the entire left side of my face is numb...paralyzed...lifeless. even when i cry...nothing happens to the left side, which just makes me want to cry more. no emotion is shown on half my face...HALF MY FACE. my left eye won't blink unless i make it. so, needless to say it is as dry as can be. to prevent cornea damage i have to keep it moist...therefore leaving my eye as blurry as can be. my left nostril doesn't move and for some reason it's causing me to sleep with my mouth open, which i never do. the left side of my mouth doesn't work. eating is hard, especially stuff off a spoon, or anything i have to eat with my mouth wide open. my tongue is numb too...yea, that is really weird. it's hard not to think about how long it will be like this. when will it get better. research says 2 weeks, 6 months, a year. who knows...hopefully i have a strong face that will return back to normal asap. only time will tell i guess. what really bugs me is that it's totally affecting me...all of me. i don't smile, or laugh because i know what it looks like. seriously, smiling is a scary thing. really scary. it freaks me out a little that my left eye is permanently wide open...looks freaky and it feels even worse. i was in the worst mood today. almost all day. it was a productive day, but it was just not a fun day. i don't know how not to smile or laugh or be silly. the antibiotics are helping my ear. still a little pain and it still rings a little, but at least it isn't screaming at me all day and night. for that, i am truly happy :) i want to thank my friends, my parent's, my sister and chris and steven for their support. all of your positive feedback helps...it is just really frustrating!! but, without you guys, i would be totally in the pits, so thanks! mom - thanks for the meals on wheels service and the company...you rock. dad - thank you for the nice things you have been saying, i love you. erica and chris - thanks for all the phone calls and the offers to help with whatever. and steven - i know there is nothing you can "really" do to help, but you do help. so thanks babe. and to my friends, thanks for the 30 emails and texts i get a day just checking in. you are not pesty...it's nice to be so loved!